“Finally hit my first homer. 111 f-in’ at-bats. I don’t want your stinkin’ applause. I average 42 home runs a year. Don’t take pity on me. Scioscia benched me. He wouldn’t let me take batting practice. I freakin’ shaved! It’s about damn time.” - Fictional thoughts that ran through Albert Pujols’ head, based on the picture on MLB.com.
…Those are probably pretty close to his actual thoughts.